What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
