I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think my moral compass just broke
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize