Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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