and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
