I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
