I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
