no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
