so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
