the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
