Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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