so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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