and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
