There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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