I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
