How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
