I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize