About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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