ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
