Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
