found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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