Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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