i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i believe in u and ur pee
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
