You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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