My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
