so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize