already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
