We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize