"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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