3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
