Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
