I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
