I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
