EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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