wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
