You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
