I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
