I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
