Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
