your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
