Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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