so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
