Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
