THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
