You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
