hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
