dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
