ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
