So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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