I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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