a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
