his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
