I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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