Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
