Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
