it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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