I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
