mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
third nipple confirmed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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