Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
