if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
