I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
