I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
