the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
