I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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