Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
