True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
