it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
