Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
