i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize