I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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