did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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