What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
