he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
