Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
