She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
