I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he thought i was a dude.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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