the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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