IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And then he peed in my hair
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