i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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