ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
