OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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